I have only one baby, I stay at home with her every day, and I have a husband who loves on us all the time. We have it good. Yet, I’m tired all the time, fight feelings of inadequacy, and often feel alone in the world with my baby. I can’t imagine doing it alone. Single mamas, you have my heart. I don’t think I could do it.
There is something you get in return for all the struggles though, something inexplicable and incomprehensible until you experience it. Something other mamas tried to explain to me, but it was foreign until I held her in my arms…the whole-hearted love that envelopes my child and me.
She loves me with a special love that I’ve never had before. She has begun reaching for me and when I pick her up, she hugs me hard and buries her face in my shoulder. I’m hers as much as she is mine.
We are starting to be in sync. Five months ago I never thought I would figure it out. I basically have a degree in raising babies (EEC) so I assumed I had a head start on this whole parenting thing (HA!).
Its hard. It challenges every single part of me. The first months were pure exhaustion. Baby hated sleeping. She detested being out of my arms. She cried and I had no idea why or how to help. My days were long and I dreaded the weary nights. I battled selfishness and resentment (I still do), but by the grace of God, I am settling into my new role.
Amidst all the exhaustion, puke, and tears, I look at that baby in my arms and praise God that He put her there. When I’m reminded of how one part (a very fun part) of my life is over, I am just as quickly reminded how precious a gift I’ve been given and how my adventure has been changed, not taken away.
There’s nothing I can say that isn’t cliche. I am a mother. I have been for five months (if you don’t count the womb months). I like it more than I did yesterday and I love her more than anyone has ever loved anyone (I’m sure of it 😉). It’s a joy and it’s tiring. It’s thrilling and it’s terrifying.
Not all are called to the task, but I thank God that I am.
~A special thank you to my mother, who made it look so easy. She taught me what godly, loving, supportive, risk-encouraging parenting looks like. Love you, mama. ~